When You Are Feeling Fat...Shifting Gears in a Flash

Fat Shaming 101, here goes. 

I have a secret. When I used to go to the gym, if I worked out with a mirror in front of me, my motivation would pop like a balloon struck by a steak knife. I couldn't stand there and workout, because my negative mind was cruel and relentless. I decided that either I'd gained weight or my family played a mean trick on me and changed out all my clothes for smaller ones.  I judged my body with harsh, resentful eyes. It felt awful inside my head to have those thoughts; so I gave them way. Here's how you can, too.

It's near impossible to feel motivated for the gym when you feel yucky. It feels heavy in your heart and that heaviness contributes to additional heaviness of the body. That level of shame only brings you deeper into a state of despair that spreads into your whole life. Suddenly, social engagements are not exciting when you don't feel that you can hide your weight gain or that you don't have clothes that fit you like they should. Yes, it's a sad world where our appearances bear so much weight. (pun intended!) What's even more sad is hearing the overly-negative internal dialog of the mind and fall for it.

So I recommend you stay away from the gym if it doesn't sound good, don't force it!. If there's just a little piece of you that thinks it would be fun, then maybe, go. But if you have dread and anxiety towards the notion, then skip it. Listen to your inner voice. Take a couple months off without feeling guilt about it.

And definitely don't go somewhere that you leave, feeling worse about yourself. Instead, build yourself up internally. Find a trail to walk on instead, go for an hour long walk. Or don't worry about exercise for a while, just focus on eating nutrient dense foods, like a baked sweet potato with coconut oil and salt.

If going to the gym stresses you out, believe me when I say it will do more harm than good to go. Stress is the number one killer to all things healthy and vibrant. After you feel energetic to workout, find something to do that gets your body moving. If you're really eager, start a 100 day burpee challenge or do wall sits while watching TV or jump on a mini trampoline for 20 minutes. Just move your body in a way that's pleasurable and non-stressful. Plenty of people stay in shape without a gym membership.

When I lost weight in the past, it wasn't while shaming my body. It's always been the opposite. It's been a decision I made and following it out came easy sometimes and tougher other times. Your body reflects your thoughts and your eating habits perfectly, so make them beautiful.

 I also didn't sit there and feel fat, instead I was doing something about it. I also know through the universe that if you want to lose weight you have to operate at a trans-formative vibration. You have to stop looking backwards or forwards and instead focus one step ahead. Focus on what you are doing right now for change. Eating a healthy breakfast with no sugar and enough protein to fuel you. Good. Baby steps. Stay in the vibration. Be elated at that step even if that's your last step of the day. Don't look for results long term, just focus on feeling good. When you slip up, just look for what you can do in your next step. 

How Will I Feel After This...
I realized that I get off track easily when I don't listen to my inner guidance system. But lately I've realized that the further from my guidance I go, the worse I feel. If I want to feel good, then I need to reflect on how my activities make me feel. Does sitting down all day feel good? No. Does it make you feel good after you overeat? Maybe you get a temporary high but then the guilt comes in. The guilt isn't to just make you feel bad, no! The guilt is to inspire you toward change. Use your emotions as your navigation system, and they will lead you to anything you desire. Understand that dissatisfaction is what leads you to change. There is a reason you are feeling this way, it's to use it as your arsenal to get you where you want to go.

Asking Different Questions:

Self-Sabotage Questions:
How did I get to this weight
How did I do this again?
Why do I keep eating so much?

The Questions that lead to Transformation:
What am I doing that's working?
What can I do RIGHT NOW to feel really good?
What have I done in the last hour that has helped me in my journey?
What can I do tonight that will make me feel good tomorrow?

A Miracle Book for sure

My favorite transformative book. I highly recommend. I listened to it on audio CD's and it began my weight loss journey.





Things that you want to grow bigger, focus on. If it feels good, focus on it.  The more you think about something, the bigger it will get. If it makes you feel yuck and negative, send it away, let it go. Talking it out doesn't help for this. Instead, find your happy place. I find mine when I work out, partially because it feels good just to move my body and partially because sometimes it is so hard to do the workouts that I don't have any room inside my head for chatter. My problems can disappear during my workouts.

Get outside. It's a magical place out there and it offers the nurturing, giving, forever abundant energy of mother nature. Unless you are living in Antarctica, there is gear that will protect you from the elements, so get outside for a walk or sit out there and eat dinner. Take in some fresh breaths of air and send out your desires to the world.

Speed thinking/speed eating and speed in general causes all your body to work under stress. It's like having a drill sergeant scream at you to go relax, it won't work.  Slow your roll! When you eat, slow down and enjoy your food with pleasure. Eating quickly teaches your body to store food because your body thinks you are in danger. When you feel your thoughts moving too fast, stop whatever you are doing and sit down or lay down or hell, get upside down in a headstand. It only takes 2 minutes to reset your nervous system. Sit down, take deep internal breaths through your nose and begin again. Your parasympathetic system wants to aid you in weight loss but it can not be turned on when you are stressed out. Weight loss does not happen when you are amped up on caffeine, sweating in the racquetball court or eating like the world is ending. Weight loss happens when your body is at ease, when it's sleeping, when you're recovering from your work out, when it knows that it doesn't need to store energy.

Weight loss through grounding


Weight loss is a multi-faceted issue. It's like having 300 rivers converge into one. You have energetic reasons for your weight to be where it is, you have many physical needs and you have a spiritual pieces. Discover parts of you where your weight is speaking the strongest to and nurture it back to health. We're all here to learn. If we were all perfect, with perfect bodies and perfect thoughts, the world would be a boring place. Instead relish in the idea that you are in control of what your body does and feels like. If you don't like how it feels in this moment, you are one thought away from changing it. Another recent trick I learned, if I feel uncomfortable in my own skin, feeling panicked because I have gained weight, all I have to do is start moving. Any movement will do. I dance, I walk, I stretch, I stand up - movement is king. Movement will set your mind free.

THE ANTAGONISTS TO FEELING FAT:

1. Movement ** My favorite!
2. Lightheartedly accepting you are transitioning without adding negative judgement to your current situation
3. Slow down when your mind tries to race too fast
4. Get outside - get grounded!

REMEMBER THIS: No one ever got fat from having a cheat day, and no one ever dropped all their extra weight from doing one workout. It's about consistency. What are you consistently doing? Make it count.

My fav video

What Your Cravings Mean + Cravings Chart

Sometimes after a big event like the Tough Mudder, I will crave nothing else but a cigarette. It's like I wish instead of handing out bottles of water, they were giving me a Camel Light. It's SOOO strange. I have always been a little ashamed of it but now I understand more. Apparently craving cigarettes/tobacco means your body needs Silicon or Tyrosine. I'm assuming after a race my body wanted Tyrosine because it's involved in adrenaline production which I'm sure I was low on.

Cake + Ice cream, Nope.

Sometimes, if I don't obey my food cravings they eventually nip me in the butt later. So if I'm at a birthday party and they have cake and ice cream (this never happens, right?) And I really  want some, but instead I practice self-control, pout on the inside, and say no thank you. Then, the story is not over. Later that night I might go home and scarf down cookies in private. There's a balance one must find, between indulging and hearing your inner wisdom. I don't always find peace through hard core deprivation. Nor do I find it though a lack of self control. Balance, I swear.

Instead, try to soften your harsh thoughts towards yourself. Figure out what's causing the craving. Cravings mean something. Don't judge them. Instead, let them guide you and then analyze what they mean. Sometimes your cravings will lead you to have a big ass bowl of ice cream. Sometimes boredom or loneliness will lead you there. Well, if you think it will help something, eat the damn thing, be excited about it, relish in it and then examine why you wanted it. Remember that if you feel bad about it later, then use it as a guide to help you the next time you feel that way. Don't over analyze it, just learn and move on.

EMOTIONAL CRAVINGS:

I know about these all too well. If you aren't hungry but you find yourself feeding a bucket (your face) with a huge hole in the bottom. Remember there is not enough food in the world to make it feel better when you feel this way. You do need to feel better, but the food is not the answer, try another answer. Step #1: Trace back where in your day or in your week you needed some nurturing. Maybe because you kinda felt crummy all day and needed to be taken care of. Maybe you just used food to work through some emotion you were avoiding. Maybe you have just started a lousy habit of flipping on the boob tube and eating because it helps you disconnect from reality. If it's for these reasons, then you just need to figure out what else you want to do to cope instead. I like to meditate. I used to do burpees or sit outside. Or hug a tree or set up a massage.

Ginger Tea Recipe here

Food/Item	Deficency	Foods	Energy Meaning
Bread	B Vitamins	High protein	Feeling insecure
	Nitrogen	fish, nuts, beans	Needing comfort
Sweets and carbs	Magnesium	Fresh Squeezed juices	Do 3 protein meals with no snacks between
	B Vitamins	Green fruit smoothie
	Chromium	Broccoli, grapes, cheese, beans
	Phosphorus	Poultry, dairy, eggs, nuts, grains	Feeling unsupported Maybe feeling unhappy
	Sulfur	Cranberries/kale/cabbage
		/crucifer veggies
	Tryptophan	3 protein meals + sweet potato at night before bed
Cheese, fries or pizza	Vitamins E, A, D calcium CoQ10	Homemade French fries or roasted carrots, nut butters or hummus, walnuts, salmon, add fatty acids like fish oil to diet for long-term cravings	Exhaustion, need comfort or sadness about not reaching your goals yet
Coffee/Tea			Burnout, No energy for things you do not love. Resentment toward job or disappointment
	Vitamin C	Chai tea with no sugar Apple Cider Vinegar
	Iron	Black cherries/Meat
	Sulfur	Egg yolks, onion, garlic, crucifer veggies
Chocolate	Magnesium	Carob, Epsom salt bath or magnesium oil spray	Angry that life feels unsatisfactory
Soda pop	Calcium	Sparkling mineral water	Looking to stay   motivated &      energized
	B Vitamins and Vit. C	DIY ginger tea with lemon
PMS Cravings	Zinc	Red meats, cucumber skin, seafood	Feeling   disconnected from thoughts/behaviors
		leafy veggies

Lots more info & help here:

Supplements to Control Carb Cravings

How to Dog Whisper Your Cravings:

Nutrition for Intuition

Craving Chart



References: Nutrition for Intuition Book plus the above web sites

http://www.hayhouse.com/nutrition-for-intuition-paperback

Attracting Weight Loss As A Multi-Dimensional Being

Body composition is a multi-dimensional topic. There is an ever changing pull of gravity on your body, the time of day, the water and food content, movement of the digestive system, the moon in it's rotation and heavy mental thoughts that blur objective vision. You can instantly change from a negative Nellie to feeling a turbo-charged motivational fire under your butt. Your body can look one way in certain flattering lighting and then send you doing disgusted double takes under overhead lights. We can feel like a steaming-hottie one second and a pile of rotting turd the next. We are emotional, subjective, easily changing beings made of mental thoughts, energy and physical parts. And it's pretty amazing.

We can have desires to lose weight that are so strong you can easily snuff away foods that don't support you; only to have a large spoon stuffing desserts in your face in the next moment. It is because we are multi dimensional that you can morph moment by moment into something different. This you can see in photos, the picture you look fabulous in, the next you would just crumble if it got posted on Facebook.  Sometimes our heart wants weight loss but your head knows better of it and resists attempts at a low calorie way-of-life.

There are many ways the rivers of weight loss and change converge into body transformation. All my family and friends know how many times I've gone done these paths, being inspired by change.  I've learned a few things for certain in my weight loss that I want to share. These are things that I have personally experienced that resonate strongly for me. My first example has a story to share, so bear with me as I use it to perfectly illustrate my point.

If I was born to an Indian family, my Indian name would be Plant-Killer-She-Is. I have a black thumb. My un-green thumb kills most living plants in some way or another. Unfortunately we have a plant that my hubby has had since college, a pretty tropical thing that shouldn't still be alive with this constant abuse. This plant is alive only because when it gets thirsty the leaves wilt downward. An hour after watering it, the leaves perk back up, Just as we know everyday Donald Trump will say something ridiculous, that plant comes back to life.

In the last few months we noticed the perking up process started to take longer, and more recently it never perked back up. So I read you can add hydrogen peroxide and water to the plant and decided it was a hail Mary worth trying. Either way, the worst outcome was plant death. Meh.

Three-days following the hydrogen peroxide treatment, I looked at this very sickly plant and decided it was not going to live, the leaves were more wilted than before treatment began.Another one bites the dust. I was plant-grieving the loss of another plant but my husband wasn't in my boat. The same day that I was mentally declaring death of this once luscious has-been, he walked by it and said, "look, it's coming back to life!" and got excited. What? Huh?

Turns out, he saw one of the leaves actually perked up just a tiny little bit. A sliver, really. And just like that, the death sentence was lifted from the plant. You see, my husband was looking for ways to see the plant was living, he was looking for signs of life. I was only seeing the wrinkled leaves, I was seeking out signs of death. We were both wanting the same outcome but he was looking through a glass-half-full lens

Sure enough, once that leaf started to perk up, the others followed. The plant will live, (at least for now.) But sometimes that is all you need, just the smallest indication, the smallest step towards hope can propel you over mountains. I tell you, once you start seeing results, the steps to get those results become a cinch. So do whatever you need to do to see objective results. Do that really hard workout, do a 20-hour fast, take a weekend off of eating meat, do a 48-hour juice fast. Walk into a Crossfit and let their programming push you.  Do anything that quickly propels you in the direction you want to go. It's like a jump start to your goals. It's confirming your inner strength and it's getting you fast results. .Side note, I wonder, Is this why my hubby loses weight so quickly? He is looking for a sliver of evidence while I don't see results until I've moved mountains?

Fear and Love Walk into a Bar...
So says Wayne Dyer, that we are either living in love or living in fear, nothing else.And nothing good ever happens in the fear zone. Even when I was at my ideal weight, I was always in the fear zone despite having the body I wanted. My thoughts were always calibrating to how afraid I was of gaining my weight back. It's been a gigantic realization to see that being fit isn't a stagnant place. Being fit, just like being fat; is not a place we stay. It's a place we can stay for a while - but it's not like your eye color-once you have blue eyes you always have them. Within a moment you can become something else. And remember, the difference between how you feel and how you feel toward what you want is what launches you toward change. Without your current discontentment, you would stay stagnant and change would not be motivated.

Hindsight is 20/20
So my recent weight gain has been a major source of contention for me. I've seen it coming and I've been looking for it.  This is EXACTLY the problem. When I was at my ideal weight, right where I wanted to be, I was always feeling like it was slipping. Always looking to see  the weight gain. I know weight gain starts in the lower body, so every spare second I analyzed if my legs looked bigger. I obsessed toward what I didn't want. Where I could have been looking in glee at my massive success. Instead I lived in fear. Fear only invites cortisol into your body which makes you hold onto extra weight, among a cascade of other things. 

So my primary focus of this blog is about getting to our happy weight. So what do we do? How do we get from point A (present) to point B (goal body). The answer: We do whatever we need to do to FEEL good. When we feel good, we are in a place of welcoming what we want by doing what keeps us happy. Besides the temporary high of food, what makes you happy? Believe me, even for a foodie, it's not just eating and it's not watching TV. Figure out what those things that ignite a fire inside you and do them more. Doing things you love will propel you in the direction you want to go. I guarantee it.

The Flip Switch
What can you do to get into that happy place when you are clearly not: I suggest to move. When I feel crummy, I know that emotion is sparking a fire under my butt for change. So stand up and change something. Once I was sitting on the couch feeling like Eeyore from Winne the Pooh, and felt like crap. Instead of wallowing in deeper despair, I got up and took my kids for a walk. Wala! Ten minutes later I was back to Ms. Positive - the cold Colorado air was magical.  Another day,  I had to go outside and flip my tire. I was overwhelmed with emotion and I knew I just needed to lift something heavy to screw my head back on straight. Other days, I go lift a heavy rock, go do yard work, hit up a yoga class, play soccer with my kids or do a headstand. Or if you have kids with you, take some private time in the bathroom, 5 minutes to breathe deeply and imagine the things you are grateful for or things that make you crack up laughing. Movement of the mind and movement of the body are key to change.

David Wilson, Ex-NFL star going for the Olympics. No negative thoughts here.

Anything that makes you feel good is a step in the right direction. Thoughts that make you feel despair or guilt or yuck should be avoided. Imagine how NFL players feel. Do you see them standing in the mirror telling themselves negative things about their bodies, how worthless and fat they are? Oh hell no, those guys are pumping themselves up imaging how they want their bodies to perform on game day.


Best of luck to us all!

A Biohack of Nutritional Proportion, Have your Carrots with Cake too!

Beware, this post might change the way you eat at a Mexican restaurant. Or at least I hope it will. I've discovered a hack which can enhance our nutrition despite occasional non-nutritious lapses. I strongly believe in eating nutritious, real, whole food that man hasn't chemically processed. And making sure that when you eat those nutritional delicious goodies (like broccoli and asparagus) that you are absorbing them and getting all the potential health benefits they have to offer. In the case of asparagus, that includes the funny smelling pee.

My biohack means you can still eat the chips. (Amen to that!) I just want to make sure you eat the good stuff loaded with vitamins BEFORE you eat the other stuff. So eat your food in the right order and you are winning in health and satiety! The hack is to go by order of nutrition and digestibility.

The Biohack:

(ta-da!)

Eat healthy to unhealthy, in that order. Example: eat the salad first, then the burger. Dessert if you must. Or drink the green juice for breakfast before the eggs and bacon. Skip the bread until you at least eat something nutritious first. 

Additional Hacks (if you wanna go to 2nd base)
1.  Start with Raw (veggies, smoothies, salads) Raw is where the ENZYMES are. And believe me, no one argues that enzymes are anything but good for you. That's why there are raw foodies out there that won't eat anything heated. Enzymes are helping every system in your boy and they help break down your food.

Raw foodies, yes it's possible

2. Never eat fruit-based dessert after meals, unless you enjoy farts and GI distress. The fruit is like a race car, it shoots into the stomach with lightening speed and if you already have some protein in there, then fermentation happens. The other food is digesting while the fruit just sits on top and stands in line, stewing in anger - like when you sit in traffic. A special note on watermelon. Watermelon is extremely fast moving through the digestive system and should only be eaten first thing in the morning on an empty tummy. No disrespect to the watermelon gods, I love this stuff but it's so full of water that it catches up to any food in the gut.

The Objective:

1) Ease deprivation - Call me a rebel but when someone tells me I can't have something, I usually want it more. This happened recently when we considered buying a house in the suburbs but we didn't put an offer on it. Three days later the real estate agent notified us someone had put an offer on the house and suddenly I REALLY wanted that house. Tell me I'm on a diet and suddenly the cheese cake is more tempting. This way, you can have your cake and enjoy it too
2) Fiber, enzymes and nutrition to satisfy cravings. Twice now, after I complete a big mud race, I crave a cigarette. I felt like a freak having such a craving but at least now I understand why. A craving for cigarettes means I need tyrosine which is my body's sneaky manner of telling me to eat protein. This biohack method has the potential to hit the nail on the head if you have a nutritional craving related to a physical need. You eat a large bounty of veggies right away to allow absorption rather than eating nutrient-depleting chips.
3) Strengthen your digestion. Where the digestion goes, so goes the mind. When your digestion is on track, so are your thoughts. Notice when you have gut distress, you are irritable. When you are suffering from constipation, you are really lethargic or down right ANGRY. You have a gut brain axis and there are many neurotransmitters which originate in the gut. This is big news and reiterates the importance of a good diet. Read more here. This biohack introduces enzymes which help you to digest food properly, it's all in the raw.

Don't try to take my fruit away

The Why...The order of foods you eat can enhance or destroy your nutritional absorption. I didn't even begin to discuss food combining which is really tricky. Below is where it gets complicated, so if you want simplicity, stop reading now. But if you want more, listen as I deepen my rationale.



Digestion Time. 

It takes 20-45 minutes for fruit to digest - this is the fastest food that rushes through you. This is why when you are famished or hangry, you reach for the grapes before the baked chicken. Fruit also has a high water content, the more water food has, the faster it goes through your digestive system. Beware! Fruit is loaded with fructose which is only digested in the liver. I suggest you limit your fruit intake when your goal is weight loss. That's because it's our beautiful loving liver that works to destroy fat and if it's busy digesting fructose, it's hands are tied and it can't help us break down fat. But by all means, don't neglect fruit - it is FULL of vitamins and minerals.

It takes up to 2 hours for carbohydrates to digest- though this is subjective. When I eat a cup of white rice, I get hungry within an hour

It takes 3 hours for proteins to digest - that burger or those eggs in theory will fuel the metabolic fire longer than a cup of rice

It takes 3-6 hours for fats to digest. This is part of the mechanism for people on a low-carb or ketogenic diet, they stay full longer.


What this means is that eating out at a Mexican restaurant changes. No longer would you sit down and eat the basket of chips (and then shamefully say yes when they ask if you want another). Instead you would request raw veggies or a salad, get your body fueled nutrient dense food, then eat your cheesy fried (delicious) food and if you must, eat the chips with dinner or after.

More detailed explanation here:
cleanse and lose weight

Best of luck in your biohacking, Let me know how it goes!

Strongman Competition, Getting Down and Dirty with Heavy Things

Strongman Class! Me on Kettlebell right before falling off

For the last 18 months I have been going to a weekly class that leaves me filthy, hungry and feeling stronger than the half hour before I started. My Strongman class has a revolving group of people, originally it was a female-only class but due to minimal estrogen interest, pregnancies and injuries - it became coed. Things got harder when the boys joined the group and I really liked it because it made me push myself harder.

TRAINING CLASSES involved:

• Heavy tire flips (up to #450 for me) 
• Farmers carry with dumbells
• Tire rolls
• Heavy Kettlebell swings
• Truck pulls (which will make a man out of any girly girl) 
• Sledgehammer hits
• Shotput throws
• Sandbag clean and presses 
• Tire stacking 

So, after a year a half of Strongman training and doing it without intention of anything more than getting strong, I started to get excited about the idea of seeing what I'm really made of. A competition came up and I signed up with about 8 weeks of time to train. As the event got closer, I started to doubt why I wanted to do it in the first place. But I was reminded that I was simply entering a world of the unknown, and if I decided I hated Strongman competitions, then I would never do another one again.

The weeks before competition, I went to my trainer's personal garage for some "bro sessions" where heavy lifting and manly sweat prevailed. I lifted atlas stones and kegs and did heavy farmers carries and would leave feeling super awesome in the way of strength. I started to LOVE strongman because I could feel insta-endorphins rushing from half a minute of lifting. Nothing else works that fast to fuel my crackhead level fitness high.

Dan! Mr Positive

The week before the event,I knew I had to take it easy, nice and easy to save my super power strength. Which I did, and considering most of my day hours revolve around working out, it actually felt nice to have extra time. What does one do when they don't work out 2-3 hours a day?

 One of the best things I did was to go to my favorite Crossfit-ish box Axistence Athletics because I knew they had a log to practice with. I was schooled in proper technique and given many tools to use to build my confidence for the comp. Thank god there are trainers out there who can look at the bright side! When I went to lift the 145# atlas stone and couldn't get it even close to putting it over the bar, Dan here said, "It's OK you were able to pick it up, now we know what to work on" And then taught me a new style that would save my grip strength.

This is the one! This beast had me power screaming!

SHOW TIME...
Here is what happened: The morning of the event, we all got to play around with the apparatuses we would be lifting during showtime. Everyone went to lift the steel frame to see how heavy #300 feels. I watched everyone take their turns and when it was my turn I was distraught! I could not lift the dang thing up!! I tried 3 times and walked away in shame. Then my nerves hit. If I could not even lift this thing how could I even carry it 60 feet for the competition?! What was I doing here? Do I even lift?

Finished. Me and the other athletes I competed with.
 My trainer is the one holding me up like I'm a feather.

Events:

1. Log Press #93 for 60 secs, I got 5 reps - this is more of  a clean and jerk but the log is really wide and totally acquward. It is a bruiser too, I still have bruises on my forearms. 
2. Frame Walk #310 for 60 feet, I made it across after two massive power screams. This is the apparatus that destroyed my confidence before the comp started
3. Axel Deadlift, #150, for 60 seconds, I got 22 reps. This is a very wide grip bar that is double or triple the girth of a barbell. Straps were allowed and I'm glad I decided the last minute to use them
4. Yolk carry #310, for 60 feet, You put this thing on your back and it's only inches from the ground as you try to walk quickly to the finish
5. Atlas Stone over 48" bar, Semi-Complete fail. I picked up my stone but couldn't get the heavy monster over the bar. No one thought this attempt was worthy of filming, thank god there's no evidence.

Good News, Bad News...
I completed all 5 events, the only one I really failed at was getting the atlas stone over. I figure since the bar was about neck level, failure was looking me almost square in the jugular. I realized my weakness wass the speed most the other ladies had. The other huge bummer was that I was not only the very first female to complete each event, but I was also the very first athlete to start the whole competition off. That just wasn't right. I lifted things heavier than I've ever lifted and that feels really good, like bordering on orgasmic good if I must say.

Did not stay for awards but I was told I got 8th place. I think there were 9 girls who competed. Got a finisher ribbon which my girls play with as a necklace. Good thing we got that.


Just as Mom tells you it's OK to fail as long as you learn something...What did I learn?

1. I am stronger than I think. When I went to lift that frame, I had so much doubt in myself and I didn't think I was going to be able to make the lift. Having your body prove your mind dead wrong is a VERY good feeling. Something that I want more of.
   
2. There is a lot of technique to all these Strongman events that takes specialized training. When I told people at Crossfit that I did a Strongman event and placed 8th, they said, "ya, that's because you are not a Strongman, you Steph are a Crossfitter"
   
3. Participation ribbons are nothing to brag of but I fared far better than all the people who did not compete. There. 

Ass Moves Mass. Bulky Vs Fit.

So the title, "ass moves mass" was not made up by me. The term applies to powerlifters. Likely the only females who are encouraged to eat lots because a bigger size will increase their performance. Maybe Strongwomen get that too? Did you know I'm doing my first Strongman competition this weekend? Oh dear lord, what have I gotten myself into. More on this later. Let's talk adaptation of the female figure.



My Story

Dream Body Alert

A couple years ago, when I was dropping weight dramatically, every week I got noticeably thinner, I was very in tune to the words people used to describe me. I heard words like fit and lean as I walked by. I was approached by strangers who would ask if I was training for a competition. You mean like the Tough Mudder? (I had no clue they meant the standing on stage variety). And I felt that way, I felt thin and fit. I felt light on my feet and absolutely stunning. My clothes were getting bigger and I felt VERY comfortable in my own skin.

The Problems
The problem was my primary focus was weight loss, leaning out - getting smaller. I wanted to be small enough that my hubby could lift me up. I wanted to be the tiny, short girl.  I wanted to be the blonde model from Athleta. I knew heavy lifting, running and high intensity could make me drop fat, so I did that, consistently 3 days a week I pounded the gym pavement like it was my job.

Athleta Dream body

And I was willing (finally) to stop eating crap, start eating more veggies (mostly JUST veggies) and earn the body I wanted. I was willing to do anything. So I ate small meals, only 2 or 3 a day, I did lots of fasts, I sometimes just had a big plate of steamed broccoli for dinner. I skipped meals to make sure I was working out in a fasted state. And in the gym I lifted  and did high intensity for 2 straight hours and came home and wanted to collapse onto my bed. And it all worked. I got down to 17.9% body fat and I felt like my true self emerged from hiding. I had the body I wanted. But I had other obstacles to face.

A Love Affair...
I became entranced with the barbell. I realized that the barbell could change me from feeling timid and shy to feeling superhuman. I could walk into the gym and feel isolated or blah, but after I lifted I felt like a lean, mean, strong-ass machine. So I wanted more, I wanted to lift heavier. I was not longer interested in how many deadlifts I could do at 150#, I wanted to know how much I could lift as a one rep max. Of all the lifts I knew, I kept adding on more weight plates. So my barbell got heavier and heavier and so did my appetite.

me, April 2014

me, June 2015

The Kitchen, Open for Business

Besides being an animal in the gym, I morphed into an animal in the kitchen. I became soooo hungry.  When you have a ferocious appetite, it's impossible to eat like a rabbit. I also increased my workouts, I was often doing two workouts a day. Thus, when you are working out for 2-3 hours a day, your body WILL find a way to fuel your workouts. And considering I was unwilling to lower my workout intensity, I was putting myself into a predicament. I said a subconscious adios to my original goal of wanting to lose weight.

Want to eat 20,000 calories a day? Be this guy, be this guy

My body fat test showed I required an average of 2800 calories a day on active days. It didn't take long to begin the monster eating. More eating meant my body began changing and it was saying, "you're welcome" as it adapted to help me be a badass, I was resenting my body for the growth. I noticed first my legs, and watched as my skinny clothes grew less and less comfortable. I worked out harder, and resisted again. But eventually it doesn't work. Not just because my appetite, but also my cortisol levels went wacky because I wasn't eating before or after my workouts. I considered giving up lifting heavy but that seemed like I was quitting. Plus I like it too much! And once I realized I couldn't   be losing weight and gaining strength, at the same time- I declared a truce,  to stop the fight against my body. Very easy to say. Very hard to do.

Anatomy and Physiology 101...
You can be strong and fit and also have fat over your muscles.This is why you might have a six pack just dying to come out and play if you would tweek your diet. There are plenty of strong people out there but they have a high body fat percentage so you can't see their superhero muscles. Also, bulky is a subjective term. What I used to think was "too much muscle" on a female has changed over the years. Not everyone agrees that strong is the new skinny. Also, girls are more prone to fat storage because we are created to reproduce. It's an honor but can be a little bit of a curse to our figure.

My Diet has also been through leaps and bounds since this all began. Where once I was a simple PURIST, restricting my diet by ingredients, these ingredients have slowly slipped back into my life.

The LEAN diet I followed 100% of the time when I was my most fit:
- No dairy
- No alcohol
- No SUGAR!! HUGE factor right here!
- No gluten
- No exceptions

NOW...Instead of passing on the desserts, I have a little.OK, OK, sometimes I have a lot. And I know the sugar is bad news for my body comp. I know sugar decreases my human growth hormone and increases insulin. These are two major hormonal players involved in determining what your body looks like. Do you want to look fit? Nix the sugar. I guarantee nothing FIT will ever come of sugar.  Wanna more sugar hatin? Here. Now what words do I hear to describe me? Bulky, Jacked, big, "all muscle", a beast. It's been a lesson in self acceptance. An introduction to unconditional love for myself. Admiring myself for what I can do and disregarding thoughts of what I feel I "should" look like.

In conclusion...
Your body composition is decided in the kitchen/restaurant/fast food line. It's based on what you do or do not eat.  Eating sweet desserts, downing soda and eating nutrient poor food will cause unfavorable results. But eating your veggies and supplying your body with vitamins might just change your life! As for lifting heavy, yes I think it can cause large muscle growth, and I think its beautiful. But it won't happen overnight, and it won't necessarily be unfavorable. And it will encourage a big appetite which I think is the main factor in getting big.

The Elite Crossfit body. These Girls: Not a Starvation Diet

The adaptation of the Female Crossfitter's Body. This is Camille Leblanc-bazinet. This is how much a body can change and adapt over the years based on what physical activities you demand of your body. This is the body in motion, improving and progressing.  Too often we watch weakness enter the body with a poor diet and watch people grow in fat. It's beautiful to watch the human body grow in strength. 

2010



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2015