Monday, November 3, 2014

The Stomach Flu. You Should Be So Lucky.

Though I did not intentionally get the stomach flu, I have several reasons you might wanna go out and get some. It began with my 3-year old daughter, and got passed to every person in our house, and now Grandpa, a cousin and my brother-in-law all have it. Yes, my family has mastered spreading our love through the gut.

Stomach Flu Incentives:

  1. For the first time in my life I have a super power:  Super Power Burps! These burps are so frightening, no one will come close.
    Stand back evil-doers.
  2. My weekend was spent in my PJ pants. Did YOU get to do that? I even had a tiny bit of puke on my pant bottoms, but did I let that bother me...nope. I was dwelling in my jammies guilt free.
  3. Catching up on all your reading. 574 trips to the bathroom will do that for you, too. The gift of more leisure time
  4. A complete new start. Weight loss guaranteed. Those expensive detox programs have nothing on mama nature! 
  5. Carbs on Carbs on Carbs. Eat to your hearts content because everything will be kicked out momentarily. Treat this as carbohydrate martial law.
  6. Clean sheets! There are perks to having vomit in your bed
I suggest you time your stomach flu wisely. Mine occurred on Halloween night. I considered it a gift from the switch witch. She took all the evil, rotten candy I ingested, twirled it around in her wicked little brew bowl and magically expelled it  from my gut. Thank you switch witch. Although, I think maybe thanksgiving might have been a better choice looking back. Well, I guess any gluttonous holiday will do. Go get yours.