The Mud Which Binds Us: Conquering The Colorado Tough Mudder

The Mud Mile. Trenches of butt grabs!

The Tough Mudder in Colorado was a dirty 11-mile obstacle course in the mountains of Snowmass, near Aspen. Over 8,000 of us Tough Mudders were fueled by crisp-morning-mountain-air-energy and motivational words. We were all ready to get sweaty and muddy in with a playground of obstacles at our disposal! The quote I decided to hijack from the Tough Mudder start line speech was "Give it your best because NO BODY CAN BEAT YOUR BEST!" 

The first time I heard of the Tough Mudder was three years ago and I thought the whole concept was insane. I didn't think I could ever do something so crazy! It's so funny how much your opinion can change through the years. Now a Tough Mudder doesn't seem crazy at all. There were Moms, Grandparents and people in wheelchairs completing the course. That's a lesson for us in not letting our minds place limits on our abilities. Be LIMITLESS.

Since I ran the course, I have been asked by people what my favorite part of the Tough Mudder was and every time I came up with a different answer. So I decided the camaraderie was what impressed me the most, and so I'd say that was my favorite piece. Hands down, the most camaraderie I experienced was during the mud mile. The trenches of the Mud Mile were full of murky water and a muddy bottom that limited your movement and climbing. Us ladies were putting out a hand to help big men dig in and climb over. This is where butt-hoists were labeled "helpful" and were actually justified. Strength alone could not get you over the mud walls, but a helping hand could. It was this team atmosphere that melted my heart, well that and the mostly innocent booty hoists.

Tough Mudder Moments to Remember:

Walk The Plank. Hell Ya.

1. Walk the Plank was the most paralyzing because the height (a 20ft jump into water) but I had the least amount of time to think about it so it was almost painless.

2. Pole Dancer was the most physically challenging because I could only move inches at a time while I was holding myself up on two paralette bars over water. The pain was lengthy but I had a huge amount of support from my group who cheered me on until the bittersweet end.

Pole dancer. No Legs allowed!

3. The most premeditated was Everest as I went last. I ran up the half pipe at my top speed (full speed ahead!) and as I went to grab for my teammate's hand, he pulled it away. My first thought was, "What the Eff!" and my next was, "Oh Crap, I need to grab onto something!" And guess who made it up on their own, this girl with her best beaming smile.

 

Everest. This is not me, just a sweet pic!

4. I looped up and over the Berlin walls multiple times because I considered it something that "can't be duplicated in the gym" and was excited that I had the strength to climb them solo

Berlin Wall

Just The Tip (Top)of Balls to the Wall 

5. Balls to the Wall happened twice because I heart rope climbing AND I happened to overhear a fellow Tough Mudder mention "legless rope climbs" so I had to try climbing the rope without using the wall for support. The legless idea lasted about one arm reach before I decided I was probably born with legs for this very event and should use them.

Funky Monkey. You had me at Funky.

6. The most mentally-daunting was the Funky Monkey because the risk of falling into ice water below is very real. The monkey bars are slippery with mud and water and there was some distance, probably 20 feet of maneuvering above the water. Your arms get tired and your hands are slippery, but it sure feels good to make it to the other side.                                                                                                                                                                  

                 

You can see I'm getting shocked if you look at my neck. Can you say Tendons?

7. The most over amplified obstacle was Electroshock Therapy because it was WAY overdone in my head. Yes it did HURT, and yes it was managable. Sometimes your expectations can throw you for a loop. I only got shocked twice during my go through. Some people didn't get shocked at all and some got blasted 10+ times. Although, I didn't do burpees or hold my arms out Jesus-style like some crazies (true story) but I do consider myself lucky in an electrical sense. And I might have some intense karma shocking coming my way for next Mudder. Stay tuned.

The Warrior Carry, we took turns don't worry!

Overall, the Colorado hills themselves were immense and I didn't feel properly trained to run all of them.Often where a switch back would have been more compassionate to us Tough Mudders, the course opted instead for a direct ascent. We climbed from 8,500 feet up to 9,500 feet, (1000 feet in elevation gain) in the first 7.5 miles. Mostly, we walked the hills but every now and then I got an itching to run them and I didn't hold back. People were handing out "'attaboys" as I slowly "ran" up the hills. Their encouragement gave me more steam. The majority of people were running/walking in single file lines on the trails and following was both relaxing and frustrating. The lines created "no-pass" zones and limited you from keeping any kind of pace, but did also allow you to chill out and enjoy the Tough Mudder experience.

Good times.High Fives and fist bumps. We all made it. The race day ended with boastful grins, deep mountain sunburns and an almost finished bottle of whiskey. I felt both ecstatic and pooped at the same time. Decided I was not completely broken though, I am saving broken status for the World's Toughest Mudder 2015. After the race, I vegged out in my hotel room, ate a crap load of almond butter and slept like a baby tiger.

Tough Mudder gives each of us a headband that is color coded to represent how many times we finished a Tough Mudder. Orange was my color, for first timers. Second-timers got green. I saw black for World's Toughest Mudders. I kinda wanted to ask those people what the hell was wrong with them at the same time as I wanted to pick their brains about this World's Toughest Mudder business. Something so crazy that I can barely wrap my mind around it, kinda like what I used to think of the Tough Mudder. Funny how that works.

You might just be a Tough Mudder First Timer if...  
1.You face plant in Electro Shock Therapy. Had I known face-planting was something that could occur I would have been even more terrified. You see, the problem with falling inside ElectroShock therapy is NOBODY wants to get in there to help you. That's a real pickle.

Fire In Your Hole. Legionaire obstacle. 

2. You feel excluded from the Leggionaire course but REALLY upset that you don't get to do Fire In Your Hole because Colorado laws won't allow fire on the course. So you sign up for another Tough Mudder in Texas.

3. You drink 4 beers the night before the Tough Mudder. WTH.

4. Your feet go so fast on the downhill that stopping is too much work so you strap on your biggest shit-eating-grin and let go!

5.You shamelessly crack Asian jokes, steal restaurants pens in plain sight, and frequent questionable goth night clubs (not to name any names!)

Chris, making it look casual

Robin getting dirty

 

Yolanda who gets extra points keeping her sunnies on the whole time

You could be ready for Leggionnaire Status if...

1.You sprint on the steepest part of the course for a $5 bet.

2.You can't reach the bell by mere veritcal jump & request a lift to smack it like you mean it.

3. You wear muddy hand prints on your bright pink yoga pants and can discuss boobs and implant recovery for miles.

4. You say how disgusting a McDonalds is & then someone mentions you ate Wendy's the day before. Thrown.Under.The.Bus.

You are awfully close to World's Toughest Mudder Status if...

1. You are willing to pee yourself to avoid removing your compression pants in a porta potty

2. You participate in the #IWILL challenge following whisky shots, beer, oh, and after the Tough Mudder    

Pull ups, box jumps &Tire flips, Oh my!

3.You maintain a "The Show Must Go On" approach despite an injured ankle and knee...Eight people.Two injuries in 11 miles- not bad. And both injured kept the show going, Advil- Free

4. You race through Electro Shock Therapy like this guy, only to crash at the end. "Yes, he's still down folks!" the announcer said

A Beast

You are DEFINITELY World's Toughest Mudder material if:

1. In your attempt to reach the top of Everest, you fall down, smack your boob on the half pipe and get right back up to go again. Yes, Tiffany, you are Tough.

Tiff. And Kaylie. Warrier Carries with a smile

Smiling like you mean it, because You Mean It.

Go America

It's best to cover the money maker & press on during Electro Shock

Extreme cold. It's a total shock even though you know it's coming

The 1st wall climb, right at the start

Log carrying like they mean it: Tony & Robin

Badass moves right here, be jealous

Tough Tiffany

Those that carry logs together, stay together

The tank that got ditched

It was a long 11 miles for Kaylie...

Tiffany 1, Electro Shock 0

A shocking good time!

My thumbs were both up during this part

Another of my favorite times, getting dirty!

Barbed wire easily motivates you to "Get Low"

Log carry. I only pretended to be carrying any weight 

Good times in the Arctic

1. The shock of the ice water  (Arctic Enema)

2. Still cold, little less shock

3. OK, now the water is refreshing, promise

The Glorious Finish!

Body Fat Storage Map... Part 3 of Making Your Meat Suit Habitable

This is me making it easy to identify the where and the why of your body's fat storage. HINT: It's in your hormones! The best part is we can help nudge the system if you're interested in manipulating your body a bit (um, yes I sure am!) No diet drugs, no anesthesia, no magic wands or begging needed; just good-old-fashioned work and positive change. We've got this!

FEMALE BODY FAT STORAGE:

WHERE WOMEN STORE FAT AND WHAT IT MEANS:

THIGHS:                LOW GROWTH HORMONE (HGH)

BELLY:                  ESTROGEN/TESTOSTERONE IMBALANCE
                                 HIGH INSULIN

                                 LOW GROWTH HORMONE (HGH)
                                 HIGH LEVELS OF CORTISOL

BACK:                    HIGH INSULIN - CARBS NOT BEING TOLERATED

                                 HIGH TESTOSTERONE 
                                 

BOOTY/HIPS:       HIGH ESTROGEN

                                 LOW PROGESTERONE

CHEST:                  HIGH ESTROGEN

MUFFIN TOP:      INSULIN- BLOOD SUGAR IMBALANCE
                                 CAN'T TOLERATE AMOUNT OF CARBS/ALCOHOL

CALF/KNEES:      LOW GROWTH HORMONE (HGH), CONSIDER A DETOX

TRICEP:                 LOW DHEA OR HIGH INSULIN

ARMPITS:             THYROID

          MALE BODY FAT STORAGE:

WHERE MEN STORE FAT AND WHAT IT MEANS:

 THIGHS:                     LOW GROWTH HORMONE

ARMPITS:                   THYROID

ABS/BELLY:               HIGH CORTISOL 
                                       HIGH ESTROGEN
                                       LOW TESTOSTERONE
                                       LOW GROWTH HORMONE
                                  

BACK:                          HIGH INSULIN (NOT TOLERATING CARBOHYDRATES)

LOVE HANDLES:      INSULIN AND BLOOD SUGAR IMBALANCE 
                                       (NOT TOLERATING ALCOHOL AND/OR CARBOHYDRATES)

HIPS/BUTT/HAMYS: HIGH ESTROGEN

TRICEP:                       HIGH INSULIN AND/OR LOW DHEA

CHEST:                        HIGH ESTROGEN

CALF/KNEE:              LOW GROWTH HORMONE AND CONSIDER A DETOX

Also, a quick note on genetics. I've heard from a lot of people who say their genes determine what their body will do and look like. So the argument is that if they have the obesity gene, they are doomed to be obese. Oh hell no. Newer studies have shown that while your genes are part of your genetic make up, they don't have to express themselves. In my example, if you have the obese gene- you can eat well, exercise and reduce environmental toxins then never have that gene express itself. i

I decided it's like carrying around a Hershey's chocolate bar in your back pocket. It's harmless to you, just being in your pocket, 100% innocent and calorie free. Just like your genes can be harmless. It's not until you ingest that Hershey's bar (that hunk of chemicals) that your body will absorb those sugary calories, right? Give those genes no mind by taking care of yourself and they will stay at bay. So take back your control, you don't need to feel victimized by your body anymore!

Want to know where to go from here? Take the time to fully digest the info I shared. Each hormone has a work around that will offer results, I promise. 

Part 1 - Starting the Weight Loss Wheels in Motion

Part 2 - Proper Care and Feeding of Your Liver + facial mapping
Part 4 - Exercise on a Mission: Like You Mean To Lose Weight
Part 5 - Human Growth Hormone
Part 6 - Hormonal Games Troubleshooter

Proper Care and Feeding of Your Liver Plus Facial Mapping...Part 2 of Making Your Meat Suit Habitable

Part One of Making Your Meat Suit Habitable Can Be Found Here


To people who are serious about weight loss, I advise them of two major things: 

1) You have to be willing to make changes. Take up arms to fight the battle! What are you willing to do? Could you give up ice cream and some TV time? You will need to be dedicated to making lifestyle changes.

2) You MUST show a lot of LOVE to your liver. Your liver is your personal fat-burning machine that gets the snuff from the popular kids. People always focus on parts of their body they can see, but oh man, your beautiful, blue collar liver plays a major role in that. When your liver is working in overdrive (to remove toxins like sugar, Vodka, bacteria) then it's NOT working to turn fat into energy. You want to pamper your liver so it can convert your fat into useful things like nutrients and cheeta-like energy. TIP: When the liver is burdened, you can feel it. I personally know I've really done it when I feel a tiny burning sensation in my eyes. The tingling eyes serves as confirmation that I'm not sleeping well, had too much booze, or eaten too much processed foods/sugar.

Ever used Chinese facial Mapping? This is some of the coolest info I've seen which shows you on your face, where your body is struggling on the inside. The points on your face below are representing your internal organs listed below. Wrinkles, blemishes and markings appear on your face when those organs are struggling. Notice where your liver is, between your eyebrows. If you are develop pimples or wrinkles between the brows (usually vertical lines) then that could be a red flag. This is worth looking into further!

Used from: http://www.pinterest.com/pin/41939840251720071/

Signs of an overworked Liver:
1) Burning eyes
2) Intense anger surges. Traffic puts you at a level 10, instantly
3) Irritability
4) PMS
5) Feel "hung over" in mornings even if you didn't drink the night before

Give Some Love To Your Liver by adding these:
1. Cruciferous Veggies: Brussell Sprouts, broccoli (make sure to steam if you have a thyroid issue!) and cauliflower all have sulpher in them which aids the liver in detoxing. More info here.
2. Eat smaller meals: Because it helps the liver and because it feels good to be light on your feet and not heavy from eating too much
3. Drink dandelion tea: Not yummy I will admit, but I find there are many things I will do to lose weight. I cheat the system by adding a flavored tea with the dandelion tea to limit the disgusting taste
4. Give yourself 3 hours between eating and passing out for the night. This gives your liver a sigh of relief to know it can focus on issues bigger than food. When I eat right before bed I tend to wake up puffy, cranky and hungry. After late night food or alcohol consumption, those mysterious early morning stabbing hunger pains you feel after waking the next morning is cortisol by the way because your body is stressed out.
5. Squeeze the lemon into your water: Help your liver by giving it lemon water, which adds etoxes you, adds vitamin C to your diet without calories, and prevents wrinkles.
6. Regulate allergies by eating a low inflammation diet
7. Read 50 Ways to Love Your Liver

That Which Make Your Liver Less Than Stoked:

1. Caffeine: Drinking coffee is like tricking your body into thinking the Apocalypse has arrived. You are creating a war simulation inside your body, kinda rude if you think about it. Maybe just use it on "those"days you really need it.We know what days those are.
2. Alcohol:  The devil in disguise, Booze turns into sugar inside your body, which explains why you wake up wide awake at 2 am, after heavy drinking - from a sugar imbalance, gross. Plus, drinking de-motivates the most motivated parts of me. Drinking is to motivation like sticking a  safety pin inside a balloon & taking all the air out slowly. The more I drink, the less I care about anything.
3. Processed Foods: Processed foods are man-made fat traps, full of chemicals and are 100% poisonous to your body. There's NOTHING good in a bowl of Fruit Loops, yes, even when you buy the organic brands at Whole Foods. Just say no to junk food if you want to express love your liver. My rule is to keep sugary junk food out of the house, if it's not there to eat on a whim, all the less you will need to practice self control.

Best of Luck to you in your liver loving!

Play Catch-up with Making Your Meat Suit Habitable:
Part 1 Starting the Weight Loss Wheels In Motion